http://www.turnquist.name/blog/blog/ Anya Turnquist's random blog. en-us Copyright 2007 Anya Turnquist 86400 http://www.turnquist.name/blog/blog/ Anya Turnquist's random blog. Mon, 17 Oct 2011 01:47:09 GMT http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=80 http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=80 ImageOUT is over for another year. Lots of great movies. And lots to think about. Photos of Angie and Hannah and the Hasbian with a Trans 101 workshop at Flying Squirrel sandwiched in between. Lots to think about. Hannah was an excellent movie for what it was, though I only rated it good on the ImageOUT ballot. And the reason for that (along with everything we talked about at the Trans 101 workshop) led to a bunch of questions about what we as a GLBTQIA+ community tell people about ourselves and what we believe and why. First, I guess I should say something about who/what I am, at least right now. I'm a very fluid-gendered trans person who, while of entirely European descent, has embraced the identity of Two-Spirit which was bestowed upon me by a Seneca woman a few years ago at the Rochester Pagan Pride Festival. I'm in a relationship with a wonderful woman. Does that make me a lesbian? hetero? bi? Remember my gender is very fluid, so some days I'm a woman, some days a guy, some days in between. Oh, and... Fri, 15 Jul 2011 01:44:02 GMT http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=79 http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=79 I think, therefore I am. -René Descartes I am, therefore I think. -Me Interpretation: As long as I exist, I can't stop thinking. So telling me to just not think about it just won't work. The only way I could stop myself thinking is by committing suicide. Therefore, any attempt at ceasing thinking is also tantamount to suicide. Thinking, the blessing and curse of the intellectual type. :? Tue, 09 Dec 2008 23:02:21 GMT http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=78 http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=78 This poem is dedicated to everyone out there who, like myself, have a terrible memory for names and who feel the pain every time we have to ask the question again. The Question By Anya Turnquist (c) 9 December 2008 There's a question I need to ask you But I'm afraid to ask you Because I'm afraid you won't understand Why I need to ask it. We've known each other long enough I should know the answer And I'm afraid you'll think me stupid When you learn I've forgotten the answer. And I have reason to be afraid I've asked the question before And I've been laughed at and shamed And I've been made to feel a fool. I don't want to ask the question I'm afraid of the hurt. I don't want to ask the question But I can't continue if I don't. So I'll ask it now And prepare to get hurt I'll ask you again What is your name? Wed, 10 Sep 2008 03:00:34 GMT http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=77 http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=77 New poem. Kinda sums up how I've been feeling. Little By Little By Anya Turnquist (c) 9 September 2008 Every time I fall down I fall a little further. Every time I fall down It's a little harder To get back up. Little by little I fall further and further. Little by little I lose my desire To get back up. Little by little It gets worse and worse. Little by little I lose my will to live. Little by little I get closer to suicide. But it's little by little So no one notices That little by little I'm dying. Tue, 26 Feb 2008 01:34:08 GMT http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=75 http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=75 If you value your sanity and actually want to do work with your computer, STAY AWAY FROM GENTOO LINUX! I installed Gentoo a year or so ago, and it has never worked right. Now this is the last straw. About 3 weeks ago I made the mistake of doing an emerge -u world (actually it was emerge -uv --deep system before trying to do the same with world), and ever since I've been trying desperately to get my machine back to some kind of usability. After 3 weeks of trying to fix what 'emerge world' broke: the X screen saver is broken (locks up if it activates with mplayer running), xine still segfaults along with the seemingly simple 'top'. ALSA's not saving my settings, though that might be because I haven't been able to shut down properly because of X crashes locking up my console/keyboard. I can't print in OpenOffice, except by way of printing to a file and then lpr'ing the file. And god knows what else I'm forgetting right now. And I'm exhausted. I don't want to go on with this. And I don't have time to do a... Sun, 25 Nov 2007 02:38:58 GMT http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=58 http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=58 Anyway, I haven't done a real post here since September, so I guess it's time. I've been feeling off for the past day or two. I think it's because I increased my estradiol dose from 4mg to 6mg this week, and I'm not sure if I'm completely ready for the effects of the higher dosage. I don't exactly feel depressed. Just "off". Kinda like emotions are stirring beneath the surface and I'm not sure what's going to emerge. Well, a lot has been going on since September, so the pace of things may have something to do with it. Anyway, I never did take the Clearwire sales job. When I had to decide between the Friday night training or doing Brynn's show at the Eastman House (which was a paying gig), I decided my career was in sound engineering and not sales. So I quit before I really even got started. Then theatre work came flooding in. It seemed I made the right decision. When the ENDA crisis started, I spent some time writing some letters to my House Representative, Louise Slaughter asking her to support a... Fri, 05 Oct 2007 13:53:49 GMT http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=57 http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=57 Ah, what choice irony. Bush, the resident evil. And it does seem there's no end in sight. Makes you wonder in the page layout was intentional by Freetime. So appropriate. Tue, 04 Sep 2007 02:38:37 GMT http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=56 http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=56 I guess it's been a couple months since I last blogged anything. A lot has happened. I've been on estradiol (estrogen) for a few months now, and that seems to be going well. I'm now pretty conviced that I am transsexual, even if I'm still also some kind of genderqueer. I actually started a podcast about genderqueer topics and being genderqueer. Then after the second episode, I realized I was really just afraid to accept the reality that I really do feel a whole lot more comfortable with myself as a woman than as a man. Hopefully another episode of the podcast will be coming soon. Anyway, I had a bit of an upset this afternoon. I wanted to go and do a little shopping, especially with all the labor day sales and such. So I spent a while getting ready--shaving (face and arms), trying to do my hair nice, putting on makeup and trying to hide the beard shadow as much as possible. I then drove out to the mall, looked in the mirror before getting out of the car, just hated what I saw, and started the car again... Sun, 25 Mar 2007 03:57:32 GMT http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=52 http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=52 Hmm. These past few weeks have gone pretty well for me. But I've got kind of a bad feeling that I'm headed for a down period. I dunno. I've started taking androgen blockers (Spiro and Proscar), and that seems to be going pretty well. It's still in the early stages, so it's probably too soon to tell how they're working. I've been pretty good about getting stuff done and such. But I still wind up wasting time that I can't afford to waste. And some of that time-wasting was spent tonight watching a documentary on YouTube about the Manic Street Preachers , where I learned the story of Richey Edwards, the original lyricist for the band. Well, that got me a bit down, and, well, I guess the negativeness of his story was kind of contagious, because I feel myself losing the positive outlook I've had for the past few weeks. Anyway, I hope it doesn't last too long this time around. I really like the gains I've made. Maybe this was just a sort of tipping point, though. I think what really started to rock me was when I... Sun, 18 Mar 2007 02:26:37 GMT http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=51 http://www.turnquist.name:81/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=51 Wow. Things are moving fast. Especially this week. Just this past week I made--and went to--my first appointment with Dr. Hurley about hormones, and... Well, have you ever had one of those times when it feels like things are going to fast and not fast enough at the same time. I think that's how I'm feeling right now. I had the blood work done and I'm back to see him this coming week. I suppose if all goes well, I might walk out on Wednesday with a 'script for spironolactone (or however it's spelled...). First step. Well, maybe not the first, but it seems like the next first step. Of course I'm still not sure what kind of transition I'm looking for. I really think I'm kind of like a male-to-something-else-entirely transsexual. But a migration away from male in just about any direction should be better than sitting still. What was really exciting, though was after my appointment. Deb and I were going to Buffalo that night (Friday) to go to the opening of the "Vaginal Wonder" art exhibit of artwork inspired...