[ Previous Year ] [ Go to index page ] [ Next Year ]
What I want in a Mom:
I'm still very much a fragile child, and I need a mom who will help me along as I grow up. I need a mom who will listen to me when I cry, or when I'm scared, or confused. I need a mom who will give me understanding and encourage me to find my dreams and follow them. I need a mom I can run to when I need shelter from the world around me. I need a mom I can trust with my deepest and most personal hopes and fears. I need a mom who treats me like I'm the best; a mom who looks at me with the highest esteem. I need a mom who gives me a hug when I feel alone and afraid. And I need a mom with endless love for her son.
On the subject of moms again. And wishes and desires. Over the past couple months of watching Bobby's World, I think I've found who I want to be my mom. Pity she's a cartoon mom... Ok. I guess I really would like to be Bobby, or one of his brothers. I want my whole life to live again, and I want to live it as a Generic.
I think I'm heading for one of those deep blues again. I was going to go up to the docks this weekend and watch the boats. Didn't do that. Did Rocky Horror again. That's fun. I just wish I had more time. But I kind of feel like it's my fault for not making good use of the leisure time I do have. I'm still not sure if taking this Nortel job was the right thing to do.
I paged through my old ramblings file again. I still want to be a musician. I'm going to try to do some practising every day now.
I still need a close friend in my life. Someone to share my life with.
Got back from Rocky Horror. Perette's nephew, Tim, was there from Connecticut. He's 17 and amazingly cute. Shorter than I am, thin, beautiful eyes. I felt such a strong attraction to him. Peri says he's straight. I don't want to believe it. How can I have such a strong attraction to a guy who's straight and I won't see much, if ever again?
I finally got to meet Erich tonight at Rocky Horror. He's such a great guy.
I shouldn't be awake right now, but I've got too much on my mind right now. There might be a chance to return to E-Znet. I want to work at E-Znet; I also want to work at Nortel. I can't do both, though. I want to go out with Erich, but there are so many things I want to do that I can't seem to find the time. And it's just getting me down. I'm doing my sailing class this weekend.
There never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to
Once you find them.
I should be back at E-Znet. I didn't know just how good I had it there.
I was on IRC tonight trying to pick up a guy. I don't know why I do that kind of thing, especially when I want to start seeing Erich. I just seem to have fucked that up. I was going to go see ID4 with him on labor day weekend, but I pushed it off, and now I'm regretting it. I need someone who's even just a close friend. Someone who'll give me a hug when I need it.
I want a chance to do it all over again, and do it right. I always let my mom dictate my life, it seems. Sure, I rebelled some, but never when it really mattered. I spent too much time listening to others, and not enough time listening to myself.
It's nearly eleven. I guess I'd better get to bed, if I can sleep.