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I received my new fountain pen today, so I guess this would be a good time to start writing again.
A lot has happened since my last writing. I have been able to manage my ADD much better. I bought a house of my own in April, and have been busy fixing it up and working on a small flower garden.
With the help of my home automation computer, I have been able to get myself in a routine of reading each night. I'm nearly half way through Stephen King's The Waste Lands, and I just started it about three weeks ago. I'm even thinging about bringing my novel out again and maybe reworking it, since I'm getting a feeling that the story is now much different than it was when I last worked on it. I do want to start writing again at any rate. I suppose that was the underlying reason for me buying a good pen.
Well, the computer is telling me it's time for bed, so I guess this is enough ink for now.
Thoughts on that question that has been nagging me for twenty-seven years now: What do I want to be when I grow up?
How about: a writer? a journalist? What I am right now? a gardener? landscaper? electrician? Actor? carpenter? pianist? trucker?? something in television production? photographer? Architect? All of the above? videographer? filmmaker? publisher? painter? of houses? of pictures? reporter? Home Automation System Designer? contractor? self-employed? Jack-of-all-trades? landscaper?
It seems my fundamental problem is that I just don't have enough time in a day for week or whatever to do everything I want to do. At the same time I often find myself trying to find things to fill my time, since I have a hard time dealing with boredom. Rather contradictory, really. I have too much time, but not enough time. It's more a matter of having too vast a number of interests and not having the resources to pursue them all. And i can't seem to ever decide which of them i really want to pursue, so I never really get very far in any of them. That is the real base of the problem: I have to just pick something and make it a priority in my time and money.
Maybe this is senseless and pointless. Maybe this has just been an exercise in getting thoughts in my mind onto a mirror in front of me. What i do know is that this writing down of my thoughts just now seems to have succeeded in clearing my mind and allowing me to relax a little more.
And isn't it a bit odd that a computer geek like myself would turn to something as old-fashioned as a fountain pen and a book of paper for his thoughts? Maybe it's an indication. Perhaps that I should consider a change in course.
My question tonight is simply "Why not?" During the film tonight, I thought about going out tonight as I have many nights, but instead I stayed home and watched television as I have every Saturday in the past.
So my question is, why do I not let myself go out, always finding some reason not to.
Part of me says I'm just afraid to go out and meet people. Maybe it's just my shyness. Maybe I should spend some time rehearsing or trying to imagine what to do and how to start a conversation.
Okay, so say I do meet someone and we get to know each other. Maybe we'll want to go back to my place. How could I invite someone over to my place when I can hardly make it through the door without tripping over the clutter. That's no way to impress anyone.
Somehow I need to find a way to get my house clean and keep it clean. Even if I just start with a small area. If I can keep it clean for a week or more, then I can move on and try something more. I suppose it's a start.
I've decided. I need to give myself a complete makeover. It seems that, at the closing night party tonight, I didn't catch many eyes, or at least none that came up and introduced themselves.
So, I'm thinking I need to have my hair done — something that stands out a little, go shopping for a new wardrobe — something eye-catching, and put it all together and try it out on the town. I have to think about the style a bit though. My first thought, from Edge of Seventeen tonight, is something Boy George or David Bowie-ish, but that might seem a bit unoriginal. I'll have to just go out to the malls and stores and have a look around.