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Another thing that drives me crazy is the fact that I live in a total chaotic mess. I can't stand the perpetual failures I encounter trying (or hoping) to get organized. I so want to be organized but it seems like I can't. Another problem I don't know how to fix. :-(
I feel very disconnected tonight. Like I'm in a fog. I need some serious help managing my ADD. I need help to at least learn life skills in a way that works with ADD. I need someone who can give me guidance and support and help in just getting things done.
My head feels like scrambled eggs tonight. I can't seem to think at all. I feel sad. Like there's too much stuff weighing on my shoulders. I'm seriously thinking about looking for a new job. I feel like I want to cry. For what I don't know. For everything perhaps.
I feel angry tonight. I had dinner with my parents tonight. Supposedly they were taking me out for my birthday, but I felt ignored and neglected most of the time. Despite my pleading that the table was alright, they insisted on moving to a booth. They spent most of the time talking between the two of them, pretty much leaving me out of the conversation.
I'm not too surprised I've
I think I've realized one of the major problems with my life. I've never had any absolutes; no real boundaries; no certain consequences. "No" was always just an obstacle to get around. I've never been told "no" and been forced to accept the no. My actions never had consequences I could not get out of. I've had no discipline, and now it's tough because I know I need it, but I don't have any. I'm undisciplined. It's tough to learn this. I feel like a con-man, able to con anything out of anyone, including myself. I need to know how to gain self-discipline. I need absolute consequences for my actions. I need to be told "no" and know that it means "no." Period. Part of me wonders if getting busted or something might not be a good thing for me. Something I couldn't con myself out of. I need limits. I need to learn there are things I am not allowed to do, no matter how strong the desire.
And yes, I did act out tonight, after an otherwise great day, seeing Broken Hearts Club with Alan.
But I need the limits, and I'm cursed with a high IQ. I'm too smart for my own good. I need to meet with an unsolvable problem. I need to know that if I don't go to bed on time, there will be consequences, etc.